How to Know What You Really Want
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A lot of people come to work with me because they feel stuck, and they want to change their life. But ane of the first obstacles nosotros run across is that when I inquire them what they want their life to look like, they often don't know.
Knowing what you want is the first and nigh important step in creating a better time to come. Merely how exercise you lot make this important decision? Trying to make up one's mind what you lot want in a world full of then many choices can seem overwhelming.
On the other hand, most people accept a very good idea of what they don't want in life. We look around and encounter all the terrible things happening in the world, and we realize we don't want state of war, we don't desire poverty, we don't want sickness.
We await at our own lives and think well-nigh the things that don't experience right, such as the dominate who nags, the spouse who isn't supportive, the kids who don't listen, or the empty checking business relationship. Yous may have thoughts like: "I don't want to exist poor," "I don't desire to work at this lousy job where no one appreciates me," or "I don't want to accept to bargain with the screaming kids who never listen."
The good news is if you can identify what you don't want, knowing what you practice want is definitely inside your reach. To perceive anything, there must exist a contrast between the two states. To know that something is unwanted, nosotros must know that something else is wanted instead. One serves as the reference point for the other.
For example, we could non identify the wanted state of happiness if we did not know what information technology was like to experience the unwanted state of being unhappy. The reason you can identify what you don't want is that y'all are enlightened some other, preferable state exists, otherwise y'all wouldn't know it was unwanted. You lot simply have to give more of your attention to the wanted state and give it some clarity.
Once you take identified what you don't desire, encounter if you tin flip it over and find the contrasting wanted country. If you don't want to live in the city, possibly it is because you prefer a slower country pace. If y'all don't want to work in a retail job, but you aren't sure what kind of job you would like, write downward every bit many details as yous can about what you lot don't like in retail. For case, "I don't like retail considering it'southward exhausting to stand on my feet all day. Instead, I would like a task where I could spend more time at a desk-bound."
Once you take identified what you don't want, ask yourself: What would I like to run into instead?
Examples:
Don't want: I don't want a spouse who doesn't capeesh me.
Want: I want a spouse who adores me and treats me with respect.
Don't want: I don't want to work at this lousy job.
Want: I want a job that stimulates me intellectually and allows me to exist artistic.
Go as specific as possible. Once you lot accept decided you want a job that is stimulating and creative, get-go thinking nearly other aspects of the job y'all would like, such as independence, a lot of interaction with coworkers, increased responsibleness, a better salary. The more details y'all include, the more specific you can be in developing the plan and the steps necessary to attain your goal.
A worksheet to assistance with this can be plant here.
Deciding what you desire today does not mean y'all can't change your mind tomorrow. Often, we think we desire something, but as nosotros find out more about information technology, we alter our minds. Consider this a success, non a failure. It doesn't mean you don't know what y'all desire; it means you lot know you desire something else instead.
Focus on that "something else instead," and go in that direction. Deciding that you don't want something that you idea you did, merely means you are making a more informed decision with new data that wasn't available to yous before; it is not the same as giving up when things go difficult.
Also, keep in listen there is no final destination in life. Every time you obtain something you want, yous have a new perspective from which to see other possibilities. Choosing something you lot desire doesn't mean you surrender all other possibilities; it means you open the door to possibilities you didn't know existed.
If you find yourself looking at your listing of wants and saying, I don't actually believe I can take what I want, then y'all have a different issue about your expectations of the time to come. You act on what you expect, not what you lot desire—and so your expectations demand to marshal with your wants, or you won't be able to attain them.
To piece of work on changing your expectations, you may wish to cheque out my TEDx talk on exactly this topic or read my book Think Frontwards to Thrive, which is all near developing the skills you lot need to create a better future.
References
Vilhauer, Jennice (2014). Call back Forward to Thrive: How to Utilise the Mind's Power of Anticipation to Transcend Your Past and Transform Your Life. New World Library. Novato, CA.
Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201909/how-figure-out-what-you-want-in-life
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